gotta get it out

This is probably going to be a super long post, but I gotta get it out. I'm trying to read my book for my book club which has to be done by Tuesday and seeing as I'm going to spend the weekend with a friend I don't suspect I'll have much time. Gotta release the 500,000 heart beat a second pressure so I can focus.

To bring anyone up to speed. I work as an Early Intervenionist at a preschool. I've been here since March 2006 (now four years). I started out as an assistant in a Toddler room (12 months to 18 months), got moved to Two year olds in May, and then a year later got moved to the young Twos (which is now just twos class). As you may be able to tell in the past four years there have been numerous changes while I've hung out and loved my job.

Well a few months ago an oppurtunity arose for a different, possibly better, more educated, more experienced position that I wanted. I interviewed, according to the rule, like I was a person off the street, no big deal. Well I obiviously didn't get the position, b/c I'm still an assistant in the same classroom.

In October we will once again be changing bits of the company. Right now we have six classes: infants, toddlers, twos, preschool 1, preschool2, and prek. Preschool 1 is kinda the middle class now with older two year olds and young three olds kinda stuck in the middle. Come October there is going to be six classes as well but more defined: infants 0 to 1, toddlers 1-2, twos 2-3, threes 3-4, and fours 4-5 and a new class which is going to be a "mommies day out like program". This class will consist of 18 month to 36 month olds that come two times a week. One group on M and W and the second group T and R. There will only be eight children in each group (a total of 16 kids for the class). THIS IS THE CLASS I WANT TO BE IN!!!

So we had a meeting on Tuesday night and then we got a sheet of paper to write down our preferences of what room we want and what position we want. I WANT that room. I put the Lead teacher as my first choice and the Assistant teacher as my third choice (being a Lead teacher of the twos class, which is what I'm currently the assistant in, was my second choice; I can only "have" this room if my current Lead teacher moves to the room she desires).

Well I found out today that I have an interview with the SAME WOMAN who interviewed me for the other position I wanted a few months back and rejected me. My first thought is "why is she doing the interview and not the director?" I asked the director and she says b/c she and the assistant would be biased, so they have to use her b/c she is the director of our other sister program. Then I think "well I'm shit out of luck b/c she is biased too b/c she has already interviewed me and obviously we know what her opionon was/is since she rejected me!" I really feel like I should get a different person totally! Wouldn't you agree?

Not only are we being interviewed by a different person but there are three of us that want this position. I know one and can only guess the other based on her (there are two other assistant teachers in the building with stronger ABA experience than myself) past experiences. So I proceed to tell the director who it is in my opinion and why and she gets defensive (which leads me to think that its a damn good thing she isn't doing the interview b/c obviously she would cast her vote for Jean (that is the name I'm giving her)).

Well the upsetting statement has to do with something that has happened in the past. I had a friend/coworker that was an assistant in one class, was here for a few months, then became the lead in a different class, and was in that position for a couple of months. Well a few months later a lead position opened for the age group that she really wanted and she applied for it. They told her no for two reasons: one b/c she has only been the lead in her current class room for a little while and its too much change and two b/c she and I are too good a friends and they don't want us working together. Isn't that some crap?!? Well Jean hasn't been here a year yet and has changed positions twice. She started as a floater and became the assistant for that inbetween class, then she changed again and is the assistant for the toddler class. Now she wants to change and be a lead?!? She supposedly has lots of ABA experience, but she isn't very stable, obvioulsy, in her desires.

So when I said this, the Director says "how long ago was it your friend was here? 3 or 4 years right? Times have change, people have changed, rules have changed." Then just went about her business. This is the statement and attitude that has me believing she would choose Jean as her first choice. Not to mention I over heard her tell Jean to make sure she checks her email today with a really sweet hinty like smile.

I don't really have an opinion about the other girl that I know wants the job, I'll call her Candy. She seems nice, has been here about two weeks, and has expereince with ABA and older children. She confided in me that she wants to either be the lead or the assistant in that room or the assistant in the four year old room since her age group is really five and six year olds.

So here's my beef, I've been here the longest, haven't changed once out of desire, done so b/c the directors made the decision to do it. I want to be a lead, I deserve a lead, IT IS SO MY TURN!!! I've worked here the third longest of all the teachers and haven't moved up once! Not only do I really want the lead position but I want that room. Right now we have 8/10 kids with two teachers, which is a 1 to 4/5 ratio, but in October my current room will have 12 kids with a 1 to 6 ratio. This special new classroom is 8 kids to 2 teachers, a 1 to 4 ratio and two different groups with a total of 16 which means 8 kids on my caseload. I want this responsiblity, I desire it, I need it. I really think it's time for me to take on more. Also the lead will get to particpate in our sister program which I got rejected for a little bit back. This would give me the hands on experience I need in home visiting in baby steps. Not to mention the whole reason I love my job is b/c it's early intervention. This room is the only room that is guarenteed to have a 50 50 ratio of children with special needs learning beside children who are typically developing. The other classrooms are all going to be a toss up on having children with special needs in them. Right now they are a 50 50 ratio, but it will change come October b/c of the payment plan they are changing into. I went to school for this, it's my chosen path.

Now I'll say that even though I've marked the assistant in that classroom as my third choice I will not want it if Jean gets the lead position. I think it's unfair and she is too soft in her ABA style. Candy and I believe that every child has a different need and we should treat them the way they need. I think I might like working with her.

After posting this I do feel a little better. I just hope and pray (not really, I don't do that often, but can't think of another longing term) maybe will it, to go well on Monday. My interview is at 12:20. I'm guessing that Jean's is first and Candy's is third b/c of the way our children sleep. I really hope it goes well and I'm still contemplating asking for another person to be in on the interview who I believe will be less biased than the interviewer to be.