So how do I start an entry to express how I truly feel today? I usually start my posts w mundane days w what I’ve eaten and slowly progress through the day. Overall I’ve felt pretty down today. I’m not a hundred percent sure, my first assumption would be due to the hubby being out of town, but I kind of think it’s a little bit more, however I can’t quite put my finger on it. It’s times like these that I think I really should have a person to talk to in order to express myself w ping pong conversations. Not a therapist that says ‘how does that make you feel’, but a person who will listen and try to help me work through it and explain things. Now don’t get me wrong I’m not going to leave you hanging about how the day actually started, but I wanted to try to express how I truly felt today, ALL DAY!
My bfast was oatmeal w pumpkin, spice, and cranberries. It was yummy, I think. The pumpkin makes the oatmeal a different consistency and I wish I could figure out how to make it more pie-y like. I though about sprinkling pumpkin spiced creamer in it but didn’t really want the extra non nutritional item, esp since I knew I would have it in my coffee later.
While eating Aaron woke up, got up, and started his day. I was shocked, I didn’t think he had to be at work until eight so I asked and he politely informed me that his boss called last night and said he had to be there thirty minutes early and he still needed to finish laundry and pack his clothes.
Moving onto when it was time to leave I stopped in to ask him a question, I can’t even remember exactly what it was, but basically it caused us to have a rift before him leaving today. I asked the question, when he answered I viewed it as a sarcastic answer, and in return gave a defensive response. Then we tried to move past it, almost successfully, and I tried to chat w him again mentioning that I didn’t know if I would be able to take his stuff back to BP. Then he gave me shit and said something along the lines of ‘it’s not hard to return things, you do it all the times, just take it back, and get a different size’. Then I tried to explain to him that it wasn’t the item itself, but the fact that he wore it and washed and then rebagged it. I just thought it was weird. I mean seriously what if I bought something and somebody else had done that? Then he had the audacity, is that the correct word choice, to say that he knew I’d worn clothes, left the tags on, worn them, and then returned it. I’ve NEVER done that and had to tell him. The most I’ve done is put it on wear it around the house, decided I didn’t like the way it looked or left the house with it. He on the other hand, wore it, against his skin, for at least eight hours, I’m sure he sweat it in, and then washed it and wanted to pretend he hadn’t done that! Not to mention I told him it was a guarantee that I would go out shopping, but if I did I’d try to return his too small unworn still tags on jeans and get the correct size. So now here I was a gain a little riled up.
I really hate having to go separate ways and have tension between us. I’m always fearful, shouldn’t be but I’m a half empty kinda gal, that something could happen and the last thing/interaction btwn us was a negative one. Same concept w going to bed angry w one another (which we vowed, literally at our wedding, not to do).
So w all that being typed, maybe that’s why I had an off sort of day, huh. And that’s only the first our of my day!
Once I got to school I went through my regular routine of checking emails and blogs. Once I clocked in I tried to get something done, A child’s assessment book, but then realized I needed to do contact logs, b/c I might not have my laptop (we had to give them all to the computer guy so he could updates) to do work on and could mark the assessment book during nap time. I didn’t get too far, I chatted w the OT and the HR lady; then went to class.
The class day itself was good. We were down three kids. The twins we haven’t replaced yet and my little girl who is extremely high maintenance, thanks mom. My little guy w autism continues to do really well. Today we had fun squeezing and splashing water. He signed more three times w some assistance. While we were in the gym he signed, at least tried to anyways, my turn with maximum assistance.
Once all the kids left I spent my time typing a little bit of a summary, a monthly summary that is. I know it’s damn near the middle of the month and I’m still not done! So tomorrow not only do I need to finish these damn things, but I’ve also got to create a goal sheet for my little girl who starts the full time center on Monday, and type a new IFSP for the little guy that takes her place on Monday.
Strangely, when I went to the infant room my mood level didn’t spike. I just stayed sort of down. I spent the majority of time compliaing/discussing w the AT about how men and women think differently. We talked about how we, boys and girls, do things differently. I felt like I was bashing my husband, but I tried not to and tried talking positively about him as well. it made me feel better to know she felt the same about her hubby occasionally.
I left there a little late and went to the big kids class. I pointed out the snow to the little buggers and the all got so excited and jumped up and down. I tried helping, at least I’m hoping it was helpful and not stepping on toes, the OT’s kid. He’s not doing too well w letter recognition. He was playing w the turtle counting toys and I tried shaping them into the letter ‘B’, but he wasn’t too keen on playing. I mentioned it to mom and she said something about not working on it anymore b/c it seems like he’s just getting extremely frustrated w it and she doesn’t want to push him and make it negative.
At four I checked ratios w all the room and stopped to talk to the DR. She decided to let me go back to the baby room until the floater was free to take my place. The floater was supposed to stay in the two’s class until the teacher in the collected snow to play w and then come to relieve me. Well luckily the baby room numbers dropped down around a quarter after and I was able to leave w out her coming in. Well when I went into the room where the floater was, or at least supposed to be, she wasn’t there and left almost ten minutes ago! WHERE IN THE HELL DID SHE GO!?!?!?!?! I’m sure she went potty, it takes her dern near ten minutes. Well once I found the DR that’s where the floater was too. Not sure how long she was there. The DR let, read had me, call the mom of the little guy who’s been out due to his gma’s health. And I checked my email and replied.
When my shift was over I checked my meetup account to discover that my book club group is reading a really interesting book for Jan. 31st. I tried to request it online, but it wasn’t available. I’d really like to read this book and finally get to go to a meeting.
On my way home I returned my dad’s phone call. He didn’t really need anything. I think he was either calling to make sure I was okay since hubby left or to see if I wanted him to come visit this weekend or not. He mentioned something about it on Sunday, but he didn’t come all last year so our house isn’t anywhere near daddy proofed. I also told him that clean up would not happen this week. I felt bad talking to him, I couldn’t my happy vibe up. I tried, but I just didn’t really feel like talking to him or anybody really for that matter. Even when I called hubby, my level was low.
Once I got home I washed dishes, made lunch, and reheated dinner. For dessert I had two cookies and a cup of decaf.
Surprisingly enough I do feel a little bit better than when I started this entry.
Today’s high is my little guy doing so well again.
Thanks for letting me get all this off my chest, so to speak…
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