Well it’s the first day of September and I can’t believe how fast our year is going.
Today was still a bit hard with the news we found out yesterday. Sometimes WW are hard. We found out yesterday that Izzie is basically on her death bed and waiting for a heart transplant that will never come. We knew she had a heart murmur. But now she’s got partial heart failure. The failure is causing liquid to build up in her belly, which explains the swollen abdomen, and the liquid is pressing on her diaphragm making it hard for her to breath. We aren’t supposed to let her get worked up b/c that could basically cause her to have a heart attack which she won’t be able to make it through. The doctor suggested us to put her down soon (gosh this is hard) for everyone’s emotional well being. We, Aaron and I, are worried that she could have an attack while we are gone to work and she’ll suffer or that she’ll go down that hill while he’s out of town for work and I can’t do anything about. But at the same time as the doctor suggesting euthanizing her he gave Aaron some medication to help her heart and swelling hopefully. It’s Aaron’s decision and I’ll stand by him completely. I’m confused b/c she seems fine – she still eats and drinks and potties and greets and barks and defends, but I don’t want her to be in pain if something happens while we are out but I can’t go and say bye to her. I’ve never had this before and definitely don’t look forward to it again. Even though Aaron wants to get another one soon. I told him it’s not an option till they are done traveling for work and he can be home to house train the new one. I’m scared, physically and emotionally, to be alone after she’s gone and he’s out of town for work. I’ve msged Ashley M. and she said she keep me company when I need her.
Now that I summed up my day for yesterday, the only thing to really say bout today is that it was kind of foggy. I do remember and want to note that our observational mom had her hubby with her today. He was kind of feminine and wasn’t that cute. It’s not the match I would have picked physically for her, but then again I’m having a bit of trouble reading her. She seems like the party hard kinda gal but talks about religion and prayer a lot. Definitely a case of ‘can’t judge a book by the cover’.
The big kids had a bit of time cleaning up for circle and I really lost my cool w em’. I just wasn’t patient for this whole conscious discipline idea that supposed to happen in that room. I resorted back to the ‘consequential’ fear like discipline we’ve all grown up with (not threatening like other teachers have done mind you). At four I tried to go do paperwork or back to the baby room, but AD wanted me to assist with the big kids aftercare. She said I should ‘aid’ the teachers’ there with ways to functionally play in centers. So I tried. I went to the gym w em’ and made an obstacle course and each kid got to have a turn by themselves while all the other children cheered them on. I think it went well. Back in the classroom we sat for a book then went to centers till I left.
For dinner I had tomato finger tea sandwiches and pickles since I ate/snacked unhealthy at school. Not to mention my scale isn’t working so I don’t know how bad I’ve actually been so I’m trying to keep the food eating reigned in on my own. Aaron thinks I’m a bit too obsessive with weighing myself and should only do it once a week. But I’ve let it go before and that’s how the weight comes on. If I do it daily I notice when it’s here and can rein it in and get it under control quicker.
High today: Izzie still being around.
Thanks for letting me get my emotions out…
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